Meet the Percys [Modern AU]

[adivasheadvoices]

 

 

What it comes down to is that the current tax structure is untenable. We throw good money after bad in the Middle East in the hopes o

Kate Percy pauses, frowning at the blog post she's drafting. Nobody has come to her office to ask for a snack or a Band-Aid or any of the other interruptions a stay-at-home mother is accustomed to.

Which means someone, somewhere, is probably getting in trouble.

She clicks "Save draft" -- it's not going anywhere interesting, anyway; she needs more coffee -- pushes back from her desk, and pokes her head into the hallway to listen for things breaking.

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[newredmuses]

Harry and Henry Percy have a castle to conquer. They should know, because they've spent the last forty-five minutes meticulously building it with wooden blocks (thanks, Granddad) and fast food toys as inhabitants. It's a miraculous accomplishment of architecture, which stretches along the living room, snakes into the bathroom and criss-crosses the hall.

"Only a fool would dare cross them now," Harry announces. "Are we fools, my lad?" Henry, in his Viking horns helmet (thanks, Gran), hisses with delight.

Harry is confident they can take the fortress on. Certainly, as the rising and much-celebrated star of Northumberland Digital, he should know structural weakness when he smells it.

[adivasheadvoices]

. . . Well.

Nothing's broken yet, so she supposes she won't object.

Grinning, she leans against the wall by the door to her study and crosses her arms.

Sotto voce: "Who are you fighting?"

[newredmuses]

"Zombie Nazi pirates," Henry whispers back. "In New Zealand."

"All of those were his idea," Harry adds. "We're Vikings with airships. D'you want a hat too?"

[adivasheadvoices]

Really, Harry? Really all his idea? Even the Nazis?

"Only if it has lasers."

[newredmuses]

How rude! They have a very precocious child here. Harry only helped by mentioning Indiana Jones.

"You drive a hard bargain. As it so happens, I've got the only one with lasers in, and it's got the safety on, so--"

Henry reaches over and tweaks one of the horns. "It's on now!" he shrieks, and grins voraciously up at his mum.

[adivasheadvoices]

Kate puts a hand to her mouth, shocked.

"He'd better be careful where he points it, then, hadn't he?"

[newredmuses]

"Wait, wait, Henry, what's the setting? Is it... mind-control? Destructo-beam? Silly walks?"

Henry giggles. "I'm not telling."

Harry looks up at his wife, grave. "Oh, then we do have a live one here, don't we."

[adivasheadvoices]

"Henry," Kate coaxes, looking down at their son with big pleading eyes, "are you going to hand your own mum a loaded Viking helmet without a proper warning?"

[newredmuses]

"YES." He fiddles with the tip of the horn again. "I set it to funny words."

"Funny words?" Harry's eyes go wide. "Kate, your son's a fiend."

[adivasheadvoices]

"Can't think where he gets it," she says airily, and leans over to pluck the hat off Harry's head.

"Those zombie Nazi pirates aren't going to know what hit them."

[newredmuses]

"Ah, zounds! She pierces me to the quick!" Harry claps his hands to his mouth. "It was on! 'Twas on, and my mouth is magicked!" He pushes himself to his feet and spreads his hands. "Gentle Kate, undo this woeful affliction that our own child has brought down on our house."

Henry, of course, is giggling through all of it, not remotely repentant.

[adivasheadvoices]

Gasp!

"Quick!" She plops the hat on her head and holds out her hands. "Come here! I know a cure."

[newredmuses]

"I come to thee, across many miles of desperate toil!"

Harry picks his way over the block battlements, not entirely avoiding a contingent of SpongeBob figurines. Look, it's very delicate work, all right? Never know when the zombie Nazi pirates might attack.

[adivasheadvoices]

"Careful, careful . . ."

She holds out a hand to help him over the last wall, makes sure he's clear, and then pulls him in for a kiss.

What can she say? She's a traditionalist. Maybe he'll even turn into a prince.

[newredmuses]

"Oh! By'r lady." He wags his eyebrows. "You broke the curse, I just wanted to show you how fancy I can be."

"Ugh, kissing?" Behind him, Henry makes very convincing retching noises.

[adivasheadvoices]

"I'faith, good sir, think naught of it."

Her eyes widen.

"Saints and angels preserve us! 'Tis a contagion!"

[newredmuses]

"By heaven! Once we've finished tilting at lips, we'll devise a fit punishment for this knavish rascal. But come, Kate, I'll see thee set right."

Alas, more kissing. And perhaps he must set his hands at her waist. It is a strong curse that needs a strong resistance.

[adivasheadvoices]

'Sblood, she'll have to put her arms around his neck, too.

"Daaaaad!" comes Henry's cry.

[newredmuses]

Harry groans. "Methinks our pagan rascal will hear of this when he's a swanning youth that woos for its own sake. Nor will he have a moment's peace to kiss either! I'll make trebly sure of that."

[adivasheadvoices]

"Ah, my Harry, show a little mercy," she murmurs, nuzzling his cheek. "Do we not all have our follies in our youth?"

[newredmuses]

"Muuuuuuuum! What are you talking about?"

"Mercy?" Harry's eyes flash. "For this thankless rogue? For the lad who left his room strewn with Legos this morning, as I discovered when I went to wake him up, me bootless and without my tea? In faith, even at your asking, good Kate, I think not."

[adivasheadvoices]

Kate gasps.

"What treachery is that? We needs must show the knave the error of his ways."

[newredmuses]

Henry, who has ventured closer to his parents in an effort to understand what precisely is going on (even if they are kissing), shrieks. Alas, his father is much too quick for him, and in an instant he's hefted high and slung over Harry's shoulder.

"What, then, for the punishment? Beheading? The stocks? A bath without toys?"

"I'm innocent!" Henry yelps.

Harry blinks. "Say you so?"

[adivasheadvoices]

"Not thy father's son," Kate mutters. "Give him here."

[newredmuses]

"You wear the hat," says Harry solemnly, and though Henry is squirming and wriggling most valiantly, Harry lifts him up again and holds him out.